My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You ate ashes out of my bong
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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