Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
