Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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