i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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