On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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