i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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