Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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