worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
