coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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