her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
