YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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