i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
