WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
