He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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