Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't put those talents on a resume
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
