Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
