this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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