He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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