i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
