DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Jerry, you need to find god
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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