jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
