Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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