Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
