My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
