Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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