also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
