can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
