Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
