DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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