i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
