so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
