eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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