The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
