Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
