I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
