I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
