I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
