yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
