I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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