you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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