I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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