Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize