It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
