Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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