1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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