Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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