had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
