thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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