This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
