I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
3pm strippers are depressing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
